Привіт з Києва! Hello from Kiev!

Headline Shirts is writing from Kiev, Ukraine! If you’re looking on a map, you can find Kiev by going to the edge of lawful society and then heading about 1 million miles south. Yeesh! HS has found itself in some sketchy ‘hoods before — Cambodia, Indonesia, Mexico, Washington, D.C. — but three shakedowns in one day has got to be a new personal best. Luckily the the cops were right on the spot. The downshot is that they were the ones fleecing us. Guess we can’t complain though. In a country that consistently ranks Top 10 for income disparity — watch out, Bosnia and Herzegovina! — this is what passes for “entrepreneurship.” (Trust me, you don’t want to know what they consider “corruption.”) We thought about protesting the three $10 “walking while American” fees, but thought better of it after getting a healthy stare at their automatic assault rifles. (They take J-walking very seriously here.)

Well, on to our main reason for being here, to crown our winner of Kiev’s best t-shirt. We found this stylish lad at the local strip club, where he told us he was the number one customer. He lamented as to why no women (outside the club) would talk to him, to which we responded that perhaps he should find himself a new look, possibly a bit less aggressive, and with a few fewer expletives, but hey, that’s just our style.

And here we have our tour guides. Our aggressive t-shirt guy couldn’t understand why they were with us (we told him we picked them up outside the club). Beyond the $ we spent on our guides we gave him a card and told him if he rocked a Da Vinci Rockman out next time he’d have a better chance. Then we told our tour guide if she ever saw a guy in our shirt to make sure to compliment him. It is true, Headline Shirts can make dreams happen! Hope he orders one…

In our “best hair” of Kiev award we actually had at least a dozen specimens who qualified, but this mullet takes the cake. Seems this is hipster-ific hairdo is the in thing in Kiev. Irony has not made it this far east yet, or so it appears.

Four Star Accommodations in Kiev!

Eating is optional, and not recommended, however the house label Champagne would be considered “luxury” in the US.

Actually this is were they keep the bodies, so technically the Engrish is correct.

World Cup 2010: The Vuvuzela Question

Amidst the frenzy of the summer’s most popular sporting event in South Africa there has emerged a great question for humanity: should those god-awful vuvuzela wind instruments that have been drowning out commentators on televisions worldwide be permitted in modern civilization? Do the people need to stand up and fight to outlaw this source of profound absurdity?

Soccer

Express yourself. New Soccer design on sale.

http://www.headlineshirts.net/

Breaking news: Darwin to replace Tony Montana!

Great news, movie lovers! Brian De Palma has been tapped to direct the upcoming Charles Darwin biopic. The film is not a faithful historical account but centers around a more “cinema-friendly” version of the great naturalist.

We got wind that the poster will look like this:

In De Palma’s version, Darwin is a swaggering Cuban refugee who has only three things in this life — his balls, his word, and his theory that all living things descended from a common ancestor and have evolved over time through a process of natural selection.

Evolution has never been so titillating.

That’s right! Ice… man. I am dangerous.

Name five people more bad ass than Maverick from Top Gun. Can’t do it, huh? That’s fine, we can’t either, and seeing how Top Gun is about close to turning a quarter of a century old, we added to Maverick’s already immortal status.

Yep, you strike me as a Maverick. I can tell just by looking at you. There’s turmoil in those eyes. You like living on the edge. No, you thrive on the edge. You might even say that you’re constantly on a “highway to the danger zone.”

More like Star Bores

Everyone seems to love Star Wars, and you’ll be  hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t watched at least 6 hours of the never ending space saga. Recently, however, a man on a bus in San Francisco proclaimed that he had never seen Star Wars, and actually didn’t care to either.

This proclamation quickly spread through the Bay Area and then across the country. Those who haven’t seen Star Wars have joined forces and have been spotted across the United States wearing the shirt shown below.

When trying to reach the Star Wars kid, his Mom said he was in denial and not up for an interview.

Pigeon in the Sky Keeps On Turning

As the Earth moves, so do the constellations seen. Recently there was a new constellation named the City Pigeon.

Many San Franciscans gathered at Dolores Park and Alamo Square to view the latest in a whole slew of new and hipper constellations. Unleashed this week, set your sights on the Pigeon constellation.

We ask that you play it safe and refrain from checking out the sky while biking. This has led to being ‘doored’, running into other cyclist, and in severe cases the loss of balance ending in a crash.

King of the Jungle Busted

Toledo Breaking News

A lion at the Toledo zoo recently showed a couple of teenage boys his claws. Eye witnesses say the boys were calling the lion a “metro-sexual” and taunting his need to constantly groom his mane. After approximately 15 minutes, the lion finished grooming his trade mark coif and set out to get even.

Lion enthusiasts around the globe have been sending steak and Planet Earth videos to show their support for the lion’s use of his natural instincts. The lion refused to release a statement, and will be held in captivity for an undisclosed amount of time.

The accused is pictured below:

Dirty Harry Callahan

In the long list of historic movie quotes, several can be taken from the Dirty Harry series.

A few:

“You’ve gotta ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?“

“Go ahead, make my day.“

“Soy milk was the death of the Wild West, Chico.“

In any case, we’ve decided to create a shirt with one of San Francisco’s dirtiest cops in mind. We now give to you “Make My Day”.

If you were in Dolores Park in 1971, you may have even seen one of the scenes from Dirty Harry filmed. If you weren’t around, don’t worry, you can still sport a bad ass shirt for a low down dirty price.

And, if you now have a hankering for more break the rules kinda cops, check out Bullitt.

Photo-hoot and Creepy McCreepsters

We had a photo-hoot (a photo shoot, but with far too much laughter) today, and it couldn’t have been a nicer day in the Mission. The warmth of the sun really brought out the smell of  urine on the sidewalk and the ever present hobos, creep dudes, and crazies. A key to any photo-hoot is keeping your chest out and your chin down. You know, look like you’re about to throw down for that last beer at the BBQ, but make it look a little less thug and a little more inviting. You don’t want the other BBQ patrons to know that you’re about to get violent, nothing ruins potato salad like violence.

If you need a good potato salad recipe, contact us. We aren’t just good at making shirts.

If St. Patty’s day left you a bit under the weather, grab a brew, some food, and at least take a truck driver’s shower – you still smell like booze.

If you still feel green around the gills, check out our crazy funny t shirts sale on all tees green. If you can’t beat ‘em, join em…or, uh……wear a shirt to match the way you feel. Fashion is solid way to express your feelings, just ask Lady Gaga.

Flamingos: Duck, stork, goose, or gander?

Well the truth is, the flamingo is in a class all its own. It’s also the name sake for the Flamenco, as they choose mates based on their dance abilities. The Flamenco was then formed and people started dancing and producing babies faster than Mary Poppins could get those kids to take their medicine with a spoonful of sugar.

Don’t believe us? Believe Mother Nature because she’s a no-bullshit kinda gal.

Flamingos became so popular in fact that suburbanites around the globe decided to decorate their yards with these beautiful birds. These lawn ornaments represent a house that’s ready to cut a rug at a moments notice. This is why Apollo 12 decided to bring a little party to the otherwise boring golf tournaments held on the moon. We have an exclusive photo of this decorative mission and have decided to share it with you via this ridiculously comfortable tee.

Check it out at your convenience: Moon Flamingo T-shirt.

Oh, and don’t let NASA know we spilled the beans.