Привіт з Києва! Hello from Kiev!

Headline Shirts is writing from Kiev, Ukraine! If you’re looking on a map, you can find Kiev by going to the edge of lawful society and then heading about 1 million miles south. Yeesh! HS has found itself in some sketchy ‘hoods before — Cambodia, Indonesia, Mexico, Washington, D.C. — but three shakedowns in one day has got to be a new personal best. Luckily the the cops were right on the spot. The downshot is that they were the ones fleecing us. Guess we can’t complain though. In a country that consistently ranks Top 10 for income disparity — watch out, Bosnia and Herzegovina! — this is what passes for “entrepreneurship.” (Trust me, you don’t want to know what they consider “corruption.”) We thought about protesting the three $10 “walking while American” fees, but thought better of it after getting a healthy stare at their automatic assault rifles. (They take J-walking very seriously here.)

Well, on to our main reason for being here, to crown our winner of Kiev’s best t-shirt. We found this stylish lad at the local strip club, where he told us he was the number one customer. He lamented as to why no women (outside the club) would talk to him, to which we responded that perhaps he should find himself a new look, possibly a bit less aggressive, and with a few fewer expletives, but hey, that’s just our style.

And here we have our tour guides. Our aggressive t-shirt guy couldn’t understand why they were with us (we told him we picked them up outside the club). Beyond the $ we spent on our guides we gave him a card and told him if he rocked a Da Vinci Rockman out next time he’d have a better chance. Then we told our tour guide if she ever saw a guy in our shirt to make sure to compliment him. It is true, Headline Shirts can make dreams happen! Hope he orders one…

In our “best hair” of Kiev award we actually had at least a dozen specimens who qualified, but this mullet takes the cake. Seems this is hipster-ific hairdo is the in thing in Kiev. Irony has not made it this far east yet, or so it appears.

Four Star Accommodations in Kiev!

Eating is optional, and not recommended, however the house label Champagne would be considered “luxury” in the US.

Actually this is were they keep the bodies, so technically the Engrish is correct.